Black bodies continue to be spectacles in white spaces such as the swimming pool. A peeping Tom in the changing room reminded me of my vulnerability.
Though segregation is in the past, today, where does curiosity end and racism begin? As a child takes advantage of a changing room to indulge in their curiosity, why is my safety and privacy suddenly secondary?
A Typical Sunday Swim for a Black Man in Germany
Let me set the scene; I live in Northern Germany and try to go swimming every Sunday at my local pool. Voluntarily entering a space where I am the only person who looks like me and where I need to be undressed in situations where other people can see me.
Within this context, I am something of an exception. Unfortunately, this leads to a horrible combination of stares based on ‘surprise’ and those of curious indulgence. People of all ages and genders will inspect the black body in their white space. Taking the chance to ‘see it in person’, to comment on it to their friends, or just drink it in for their personal enjoyment. Unfortunately, we are well aware that black bodies are not afforded the same respect and privacy as others, as a simple Google Search will demonstrate. The experience in Germany is not dissimilar to that which is commonly reported in China.
My swim this Sunday began as usual; quickly using the changing cubicle and briefly using the shower prior to getting into the pool. The long walk to my chosen swimming lane was peppered with adults and children watching my journey. Giving my body an inappropriate inspection. People have an extra-long look, a look of shock or the occasional child who points or audibly makes a comment with a gasp or smirk to a parent or sibling.
It is humiliating and particularly hurtful when you see the polite privacy given to others. Children, women, larger physiques, the elderly, and basically everyone else gets a level of decency.
But alas, my body is labelled as black and I am a minority, even if I was to speak up, who would understand and come to my aid? The unconscious knowledge of this removes the expected decency we generally see within a community.
Pushing my thoughts aside, I focus on the task at hand and complete my swim. I then begin the most challenging part of the visit — the dreaded post-swim shower.
How to get Clean without being Dirtied by Looks
I voluntarily use the ‘discrete’ area in the shower room. This is the only area with a partition of sorts though it is minimal in its effectiveness.
As is often joked about amongst people who use the male changing rooms in gyms and other sports centres, a naked older man parading around the shower room is not a rare sight. Of course, nudity is expected at this point but it is this part which, even as a confident person, I struggle with the most due to the racialised context.
Providing an opportunity for people to gaze upon my naked form, an opportunity that I am certain would unabashedly be taken, is something I do my best to avoid. Even when briefly showering before entering the pool I have had white men stare at me as I rinse myself down. They do a full turn and start showering facing me rather than the faucet so they can watch me.
As such, when having a full shower after a swim, I get naked behind the partition and wash my hair and body as quickly as I can. I am thankful for when I am the only person in the shower room and ignore the increase in my heart rate when I hear another person enter.
As you can tell, this is not a space in which I feel safe nor is it a positive mental space — but unfortunately, during this visit, I discovered that my vulnerability does not end there.
Once I am back in the safety of my changing cubicle I can exhale. Unfortunately, my experiences this Sunday showed me that I was pre-emptive in my relief.
Is your Curiosity more Important than my Privacy?
The pool is reasonably busy so there are people in and out of the changing area frequently. The cubicles have a gap at the bottom up to about the top of the ankle and the doors and ‘walls’ have several millimetre gaps at the corners and joints between cubicles.
The thought of turning to see an eye pressed to the gap is something which frequently crosses my mind. The flicker of light as someone walks by the cubicle always catches my attention.
But today it finally happened — I was tending to my naked body and had just finished moisturising myself post-shower (a must-do for Caribbean hair and skin). As I began to get dressed, I took time to respond to some texts when I noticed that someone had been next to my cubicle for a while.
I could catch a glimpse of red as a looked down and it seemed as though someone was lying on the floor by my cubicle.
I didn’t have time to think too much and, although I don’t know how long they had been there, at this point I had my trousers on so I opened the door to confront this peeping Tom.
It turned out to be a young boy in a red coat, maybe as young as 7, laid on the floor looking up at me. The look of surprise on his face as the door opened gave me no pleasure.
I didn’t know how long he had been there or how much of my privacy had been invaded but I sternly said ‘Nein’ and ushered him away. He hurriedly got up, seemingly expecting anger and clearly embarrassed. I closed the door and started to process my emotions.
I felt ridiculous.
Annoyed, embarrassed and a little ashamed.
This is a busy pool, did no one see a child clearly peeking under a cubicle and think to tell them to stop?
Should I have sought out this child’s parents to ensure that they are aware and that this does not happen again?
Why did this happen to ME?
Was this just a child’s curiosity or even at such a young age is the attractiveness and vulnerability of black skin too alluring?
Actually, scratch that last question — this is a huge part of the problem.
How do we Respect ALL people’s Privacy?
Within any community with concepts of privacy, which is all of them, we acknowledge the privacy of others, especially when nudity is present. As a community grows larger and more dynamic, it is more likely that we will come across types of people and self-representation that we may not have seen before.
Do we use this opportunity to stare? No, we are taught not to but also taught to ask questions where appropriate.
There is no reason for people to view my body with any additional attention once they factor in their human decency and respect for other’s privacy and ability to live their lives.
I worried that if I had raised the issue of staring and peeping with any individual or, for example, the child’s parents (who I did not see in our short interaction) that it would be passed off as childish curiosity — That is not acceptable.
Within the Black community, we tire of the old expressions of “I have never seen someone like you” or “I just think you look so beautiful/exotic/nice/etc”. This is not grounds for you to ignore my right to live my life with respect and privacy.
If the child was looking at a woman changing it would have been engaged with clearly and explicitly. But the lack of respect and humanity afforded to a black body has people unsure of where the rules are.
For anyone unsure; if you have any sense of humanity, decency, or equality — apply the same rules of privacy and respect to all.
What is the message that needs to be taught?
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Always ensure that your curiosity, lack of experience, or sheer ignorance does not infringe upon the rights to privacy and safety of anyone.
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A child should be raised with this expectation and taught reasonable ways to engage with difference while also understanding the common humanity shared by all.
As I think about next Sunday…
I look forward to my next swim and though I acknowledge my vulnerability, I know that this can change and that my presence may support that change.
Let’s share our experiences of privacy and communicate, where possible, with the people around us and discuss how they interact with us.
I am not going to stop swimming, people are not going to stop staring; but as a community, the more we discuss and engage with the comfort and privacy of others, the more inclusive we can make spaces.
About Daryl Sinclair
Daryl Sinclair is an educator, geographer, and DEIJ specialist who believes in a systems approach to educational success. He champions Systemic Equity™, taking a non-ideological approach to DEIJ (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Justice) that focuses on practical actions and indicators of impact that create learning environments that realise the learning community’s mission. Through his writing and consultancy work with exam boards, schools, and publishers, he champions the idea that the success of leadership and DEIJ initiatives is in what we DO, not simply what we believe. Daryl’s work focuses on your journey towards consistently equitable outcomes for all members of your learning community.
Take your next step with DEIJ at www.Dsinclairwriting.com/consultancy
Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darylsinclairgeography/
